Melancholy is my forte

I've been feeling more and more depressed recently. I feel like a few things might be part of it, but overall I think it's just a passing mood, or something to that effect. I feel like my friends are slowly leaving me behind, though I suppose that's not anything new. Lately though it feels more apparent than it had in the past. I've gotten used to not having Hunter and Dusty around, both for their obvious circumstances, but I haven't seen Matt Aaron or Justin in ages now. And it seems like I only see Tony and Claire a couple times a month. My feelings are a mix of solitude and the loneliness that brings and then my feeling of wanting to be separate from my self deprecating part of my personality. It feels like it's been an eternity since I last genuinely felt happy about something. Maybe it's about time I considered seeing a specialist/psychologist; I mean, is it really so important to stand by my stubbornness instead of maybe just being happy for a change? That question has been ringing in my mind much more these days.

On impulse I ended up buying a few things for my computer. Hard to figure how I'll end up explaining that to my dad if he sees it since he didn't want me to be spending money on stuff since I'm supposed to be paying off bills and the such. I suppose that's partially due to my mood as of late. I've always found that I tend to buy unnecessary things when I'm feeling down, this time being no exception. Not that I'm using that as an excuse, but it's definitely part of the cause of my poor judgement.

Seeing as the most prevalent emotion I've always displayed in my journals has been some sort of unhappiness, I'm starting to wonder if I've ever been happy.

Eh, enough of this negative crap. I've said before that I'm done doing this whining on my posts. Not posting these depressing updates might not fix the core problem, but at least it's not hurting the cause either.